If Baker Mayfield Wins the Heisman Trophy, Will He Celebrate With A Crotch-Grab?

As Oklahoma quarterback Baker Mayfield continues to set his headwires on fire, Heisman Trophy voters may transfer the hardware to a safer location.

I mean, you don’t want to hand college football’s top prize to Mayfield and watch in horror as he grabs the trophy and begins clubbing rival candidates upside the head. You wouldn’t want to see Mayfield accept the Heisman … and celebrate by introducing the little football-playing, bronze-cast trophy fellow to the Mayfield man basket.

Mayfield was at it again Saturday, bringing disorder and distemper to an otherwise calm CFB weekend. There were no major upsets, nothing crazy… well, except for Mayfield getting very upset during the game at Kansas, and going completely crazy with his display of crotch-grabbing and unique language skills that spits out F bombs.

The “F” doesn’t stand for finesse.

Or even fruitcake, for that matter.

It was a relatively peaceful weekend that will not disturb the high end of the weekly CFB Playoff rankings … at least until Mayfield disturbed the peace with his low-end behavior.

The top five teams  — Alabama, Clemson, Miami, Oklahoma and Wisconsin — won  without having to make a great escape to come out ahead on the scoreboard. Mayfield looked like he’d just escaped from a psycho ward. Oh, sure, he came out ahead on the scoreboard by leading Boomer Sooner to a 41-3 romp at KU. But yet another game day ended with Mayfield saying he was sorry. I believe Mayfield is on the verge of setting a new FB record for most career apologies.

Earlier this season Mayfield planted the Oklahoma flag on Ohio State’s field. He heckled Baylor players by shouting, “You forgot who Daddy is, I’m going to have to spank you today.” Mayfield has done more taunting than Trump on Twitter.

At one point during Saturday’s game in Lawrence, Mayfield shouted at Kansas fans, “you have one win, stick to basketball.”

(Hey, nobody said Mayfield was incapable of offering intelligent advice.)

When OU played visiting Texas Tech earlier this season, Mayfield walked into the stadium defiantly wearing a “Traitor” shirt designed by Texas Tech fans in 2016 when Mayfield made his first return to Lubbock as an opposing player. His transfer was Texas Tech was contentious, and Mayfield always insists on getting the last word.

Even when he’s communicating with members of law enforcement.

Last offseason Mayfield was arrested in the wee hours of the morning of Feb. 25 in Fayetteville, Ark. He was charged with public intoxication, disorderly conduct, fleeing and resisting arrest. That last charge was eventually dropped as part of a plea deal with.

According to the arrest report, an officer was flagged down by a person yelling at Mayfield. The naughty quarterback was dressed in a gray hoodie stained with soy sauce. An officer told Mayfield to remain on the scene. Mayfield responded by “yelling profanities and causing a scene.” When Mayfield tried to leave, he was chased down and tackled by officers.

Look, nobody expects Mayfield to act like the second coming of Tim Tebow. But what’s up with this Johnny Manziel act? Mayfield doesn’t have to be the picture of virtue, but must he be an X-rated picture of vulgarity?

Mayfield has probably turned off some Heisman voters — I’m personally offended by his choice of soy sauce — but I don’t think it will matter all that much.

Even after his latest rabies outbreak, Mayfield is  the prohibitive favorite to win the Heisman. Mayfield may not be setting the best example for your kids, but he’s the best player in the nation, leading the Sooners on a charge for a spot in the four-team playoff. Mayfield has delivered 3,816 passing yards and 34 touchdowns with only 5 interceptions this season.

Big  arm. Big personality. Big numbers.

Big mouth.

And as a Heisman voter, I am aware of the mission statement presented by the Heisman Trust.

The Heisman shall be awarded to …

“The outstanding college football player whose performance best exhibits the pursuit of excellence with integrity. The winners of the trophy epitomize great ability combined with diligence, perseverance, and hard work.”

I didn’t see anything in there about grabbing a bag of mixed nuts and shaking it at opponents, but I will double check.

But unless Mayfield bombs on the field in a big game — not F bombs or bad manners just bad interceptions — Mayfield will win the award on Dec. 9 … even though some Heisman voters will spritz the air with freshener, hold their nostrils closed, and click in a vote for Mayfield.

Mayfield will win the vote because we live in a desensitized culture where anything goes. Express Yourself is our national creed. Shameless celebrity wannabe LaVar Ball and the President of the U.S. get into social-media brawls. The U.S. may actually stand for “Useless Selfies.” Everybody is Kung Fu fighting … with words.

We are TMZ Nation.

And whether we admit it or not, we encourage Mayfield’s uncivil ways.

In the aftermath of Mayfield turning to the Kansas sideline to shake his family jewels, ESPN needed about 0.252 seconds to display a “Baker Cam” in the corner of the screen. The cameras tracked Mayfield for a while, just in case he started singing “Super Fly” by Curtis Mayfield on the KU band stand.

And for those who worry about what it would mean to the moral development of America’s impressionable children to give Mayfield this prestigious award … well, I guess we should follow up and check in on the impressionable children to see how they’re doing three years after the Heisman was awarded to Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston after he’d spent the season pushing back against a rape accusation. (The matter was closed after Florida State University agreed to pay $950,000 to settle a lawsuit filed by the former student who made the allegation.)

In 2010 your Heisman Trophy winner was Auburn quarterback Cam Newton. He was under NCAA scrutiny because of his father — who was accused of accepting money to steer his son to a certain school. A couple of years earlier,  Newton had left the University of Florida because of felony charges filed over a stolen laptop.

Texas A&M’s “Johnny Football”  Manziel won the 2012 Heisman despite a storm of negative publicity over his partying habits … and after he’d been arrested, preseason, for throwing punches in a bar fight … with a fake ID in his pants.

Do not fret my dear, dignified people.

By the time the Heisman ceremony appears on your TV screen, ESPN will have taken care of Mayfield’s image-enhancement project. The only question: will ESPN compare Mayfield to Gandhi, Mandela, or Dr. King? I’m putting my five bucks on the Mayfield being likened to the Rev. Billy Graham.

But what about the NFL scouts? With so many warning lights flashing –among other things flashing — will the NFL be wary of Mayfield?

After all, if you’re an NFL team scout, inspecting Mayfield as a potential early first-round draft choice in 2018, you might be thinking: if this hothead can’t control his temper, and freaks out just because three Kansas team captains wouldn’t shake his hand during the pregame coin toss … then how will Baker prevent his brain from baking and exploding during the intensity of an NFL competition? If Mayfield can’t deal with a snub from harmless, hapless, non-threatening Kansas — with its 3-32  record under coach David Beaty — then what will the QB do when expert professional trash-talking NFL players get under his skin?

I don’t know. But this is a league that had no problem drafting Newton No. 1 overall, or Winston No. 1 overall, or making Manziel a first-round pick.  Oklahoma running back Joe Mixon was picked by Cincinnati in the second round of the 2017 draft. This, after he’d slugged a young woman in a restaurant and knocked her unconscious.

The NFL would have drafted a member of the Manson family that could run the 40 in 4.43 seconds.

After causing a hullaballoo by planting the OU flag at Ohio State, Mayfield was heralded by one prominent site as the “King of the Internet.” He’s gone viral several times this season.

In today’s culture winning the Heisman is kind of cool and all that, but it’s important for a young guy to remember to strive for something more meaningful:  becoming a meme.

Thanks for reading …

–Bernie

More: Top 10 Takeaways from Mizzou’s 45-17 win over Vanderbilt