The Scariest Things In Sports

Read this column at your own risk. It is terrifying.

This morning on The Bernie Miklasz Show, we had an interesting topic come up. What are the scariest things in sports? We came up with a list of our own, but also had some great response from the listening audience via text messages, tweets, and MicDrops. But I wanted to put a few of my own down on paper (read: digital paper).

Be warned, however, because this list will read like an Edgar Allen Poe sonnet, a John Carpenter screenplay, or a Jeff Fisher game plan. *chills*

Here they are, the scariest things in sports…

A 2-goal lead in hockey

They say a 2-goal lead is the most dangerous lead in hockey. And no one has felt that more than we here in the 314, with the Blue Notes. Especially if that lead is held heading into the 3rd period. Yeesh.

Running shotgun on 4th and goal from the 1

Have you ever seen the SAW movies? Jigsaw would force people to do things like (spoiler warning) saw off their foot or kill someone with a toilet tank cover if the want to live. Well, pretty sure those are tame compared to being forced to watch your favorite team line up for a goal line play from shotgun.

Sitting through an 18-inning game, when they stopped serving beer in the 7th

Then again, sitting through a 9-inning game when they stop serving beer in the 7th is just as scary.

Nick Saban having the best quarterback in the country

Nick Saban was scary when he had guys like AJ McCarron and John Parker-Wilson running his offense, but now?! Now he’s got the second-coming of Willie Beamen running the show. Just terrifying.

Michael Jordan…….. playing baseball

Pretty sure he put up ‘Dexter Fowler in 2018’ numbers… but for AN ENTIRE CAREER. Utterly chilling.

Michael Jordan…….. as a Wizard

Pretty sure the Monstars ripped his talents before he signed with the Wizards. I’ll never be able to forget the horrific sight of his missed dunk in the All-Star Game.

Michael Jordan…….. wearing a pleather suit

Click this link at your own risk. GEWWW!

Drake wearing your favorite team’s jersey

There’s the S.I. cover curse, the Madden cover curse, and then there’s this. Drake is like the ghost in Final Destination movies… just moving from team to team until they’re all dead.

Fade routes

Very few things more terrifying in sports than low-percentage routes being run way more than they should. Why do offensive coordinators think playing a game of Jackpot in the corner of an endzone is a good play call?

Cubs fans with confidence

Cubs fans are bad enough, right? But a Cubs fan with confidence? That’s like giving Jason Voorhees a machine gun. Scary.

The first golf outing of the season

Gotta knock the rust off, and it’ll be ugly until you do.

The last golf outing of the season

It’s terrifying to have to pack your clubs away for the winter.

Or if you’re me… ANY golf outing of the season

Gotta pack an excess amount of golf balls.

Being hired as the Tennessee Volunteers head coach

Can’t really think of anything scarier, because if Vols fans don’t want you to be their head coach, they will come for your head. Usually by digging up anything from your past to get you fired before you’re even technically officially hired. Worked at Penn State once? Have an unpaid parking ticket? Ever forget to put the toilet seat down? It doesn’t matter. They’re savage.

Pitching to David Freese in October

If you don’t want to “see him tomorrow night,” then go ahead and intentionally walk him.

Pitching to David Ortiz in October

Why, Matheny? WHY?!?!

Quarterback throwing motions in movies

The next Hollywood movie or TV show I watch where an actor looks athletic throwing a football in shoulder pads will be the first. It’s like watching Sam Bradford’s throwing motion. *goosebumps*

Beer prices at Busch Stadium

Checking the menu at the concession stands at Busch is a lot like staring at a SAW movie poster, because one Bud will cost an arm and a leg.

Please comment below with a few of your best answers.

Follow Austin on Twitter: @AustinHuff

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