Read this column at your own risk. It is terrifying.
This morning on The Bernie Miklasz Show, we had an interesting topic come up. What are the scariest things in sports? We came up with a list of our own, but also had some great response from the listening audience via text messages, tweets, and MicDrops. But I wanted to put a few of my own down on paper (read: digital paper).
Be warned, however, because this list will read like an Edgar Allen Poe sonnet, a John Carpenter screenplay, or a Jeff Fisher game plan. *chills*
Here they are, the scariest things in sports…
They say a 2-goal lead is the most dangerous lead in hockey. And no one has felt that more than we here in the 314, with the Blue Notes. Especially if that lead is held heading into the 3rd period. Yeesh.
Have you ever seen the SAW movies? Jigsaw would force people to do things like (spoiler warning) saw off their foot or kill someone with a toilet tank cover if the want to live. Well, pretty sure those are tame compared to being forced to watch your favorite team line up for a goal line play from shotgun.
Then again, sitting through a 9-inning game when they stop serving beer in the 7th is just as scary.
Nick Saban was scary when he had guys like AJ McCarron and John Parker-Wilson running his offense, but now?! Now he’s got the second-coming of Willie Beamen running the show. Just terrifying.
Pretty sure he put up ‘Dexter Fowler in 2018’ numbers… but for AN ENTIRE CAREER. Utterly chilling.
Pretty sure the Monstars ripped his talents before he signed with the Wizards. I’ll never be able to forget the horrific sight of his missed dunk in the All-Star Game.
Click this link at your own risk. GEWWW!
There’s the S.I. cover curse, the Madden cover curse, and then there’s this. Drake is like the ghost in Final Destination movies… just moving from team to team until they’re all dead.
Very few things more terrifying in sports than low-percentage routes being run way more than they should. Why do offensive coordinators think playing a game of Jackpot in the corner of an endzone is a good play call?
Cubs fans are bad enough, right? But a Cubs fan with confidence? That’s like giving Jason Voorhees a machine gun. Scary.
Gotta knock the rust off, and it’ll be ugly until you do.
It’s terrifying to have to pack your clubs away for the winter.
Gotta pack an excess amount of golf balls.
Can’t really think of anything scarier, because if Vols fans don’t want you to be their head coach, they will come for your head. Usually by digging up anything from your past to get you fired before you’re even technically officially hired. Worked at Penn State once? Have an unpaid parking ticket? Ever forget to put the toilet seat down? It doesn’t matter. They’re savage.
If you don’t want to “see him tomorrow night,” then go ahead and intentionally walk him.
Why, Matheny? WHY?!?!
The next Hollywood movie or TV show I watch where an actor looks athletic throwing a football in shoulder pads will be the first. It’s like watching Sam Bradford’s throwing motion. *goosebumps*
Please comment below with a few of your best answers.
Follow Austin on Twitter: @AustinHuff