Bernie: Here’s What The Mewling Bruins Coach Bruce Cassidy Meant To Say

Good afternoon…

The Blues lead the Bruins 3-2 in the best-of-seven Stanley Cup Final.

Can’t wait for Game 6 on Sunday night. Can the Blues get it done?

One win away.

But I have another assignment right now:

It’s time for some public service.

The coach of the Bruins , Bruce Cassidy, lost his mind and turned himself into a mewling male cat by blaming his team’s 2-1 loss to the visiting St. Louis Blues 

Just trying to help out here, OK?

Here’s what Coach Cassidy meant to say after his team’s 2-1 home loss at TD Garden.

(The TD must stand for “tear drops.”)

Maybe this is what he forgot to say — just an oversight — about the best-of-seven series, which the Blues lead 3-2.

And this is what Cassidy should have said instead of mewling and bawling like a pee baby while going into the full-meltdown mode in blaming the officials for a non-call instead of holding himself, his staff and his team accountable.

1. We Bruins scored one goal in 60 minutes on their home ice. One.

2. This game didn’t come down to one call, or non-call, because we directed 65 shots at the Blues’ net, and put 39 shots on goal, and we managed one score.

3. We the Broons didn’t lose this game because of officiating. We lost this critical Game 5 because we peppered St. Louis goaltender Jordan Binnington with 17 first-period shots on goal, and we couldn’t crack him. We lost because we should have had at least a two-goal lead after 20 minutes, but Binnington denied us repeatedly and was phenomenal for the Blues.

4. We the big, badass Boston Broons had 11 shots on Binnington from the high-danger areas, the slot and the crease, and he stopped all 11.

5. We the Bruins thought we had a big edge in goal because of Tuukka Rask but that isn’t true. At least not to this point of the series. At 5-on-5, Binnington has a .936 save percentage which is much better than our guy’s .907. At even strength, it’s Binnington with a .938 save percentage compared to our guy’s .904.

6. Hell, in the three games played in our building Binnington has a .947 save percentage at 5-on-5 including a huge .857 save rate on high danger chances. And our guy, in the three home games, has a 5-on-5 save percentage of .913 — which includes a poor high-danger save percentage of .692.

7. Honestly, we the Bruins thought we’d broken Binnington in Game 3. The Blues pulled him from the game, right? We finally exposed the rookie and he couldn’t handle the pressure. We cracked him like a lobster claw. But I have to say, the kid has been amazing in the last two games, stopping 59 of 62 shots for a .952 save percentage to lead the Blues to two straight wins.

8. I tell you what, as coach of the Bruins, I will admit that their rookie goalie has frustrated us. That’s why our ticked-off guys have resorted to slashing and spearing him, sitting on him, shoving him into the net after he makes a save … hell, we slashed the stick out of his hand — we got away with a penalty there — and the kid still made a helluva save with no stick. Maybe we have to take a taser out there for Game 6.

9. As coach of the Bruins,  let me say that I’ve embarrassed myself and our supposedly tough-guy town by wailing and whimpering so much. It’s ridiculous to point the finger at the officials for a non-call when they gave us three power plays … the Blues had only one power play.

10. Come to think of it, we’ve had five power plays in the last two games … the Blues have had only four. So why am I, the Bruins coach, accusing Blues coach Craig Berube of influencing the officials? If he was influencing the officials, then wouldn’t the Blues have more power plays?

11. Oh, and we’re 0-for-5 on the power play in the last two games … both losses … and we’re in trouble without power-play goals. Can I blame the officials for our badass power play going 0 for 5? Probably not.

12. I guess I should bring up how we, the big-boy Bruins scored our first goal in a Game 1 victory because four on-ice officials missed seeing that we had too many men on the ice and should have been called for a penalty?

13. Did I mention that the Blues kicked our asses in faceoffs in Game 5?

14. And as Coach Cassidy, in charge, I should sack up and acknowledge that Berube and his team had something much worse and unfair happen to them in Game 3 of the San Jose series … that hand-pass debacle. They never yowled, they never sobbed. They went out won the next three games.

15. Berube sure handled that a helluva lot better than I’m dealing with this. He showed 100 percent toughness. And I’m up here wimping out by making excuses and bellyaching.

16. By the way, if you see Berube coming in here, let me know … so I can run … quickly run.

17. As coach of the big, badass  Whitey Bulger-town Bruins I have to man up and admit that our top line of big-badass Bruins has vanished from the series. Can you believe these guys? The “Perfect Line.” Really? In five games Brad Marchand, Patrice Bergeron and David Pastrnak have NO goals and NO assists at even strength? They’ve combined to play around 197 minutes at even strength this series, and don’t have a single even-strength point. This young guy for the Blues, Zach Sanford, didn’t play in the first two games of the series and he already has three points more than our three big-badass-Bruin No. 1 liners. It’s embarrassing.

18. Marchand, Bergeron and “Pasta” are collectively minus 11 in this series at even strength. Minus bleeping 11. And I’m ripping officials? I’m trying to play this off on the officials? Disgraceful.

19. The Blues best players have played like their best players. And Ryan O’Reilly is coming on like a locomotive. Our best players have been our worst players. That’s a significant reason why we’ve lost two in a row, three out of the last four, and face elimination in Game 6.

20. The Blues have pounded us physically in this series, and it’s really taking a toll. We’re showing our fatigue. And we’re losing the 5-on-5 game. The Blues have outscored us 10-7 at 5-on-5. They have nine scoring-chance goals at 5-on-5 and we have only five. At even strength St. Louis has outscored us 12-9. The Blues are playing their style of game and imposing it on us. That’s the truth.

21. OK, about the non-call that led to David Perron’s goal and left me steaming and making a damned fool of myself in the media room following Game 5.

I have a few notes to share…

* We had two chances to clear the puck before all of this unfolded and failed to do so.

* A couple of seconds after their guy Tyler Bozak slew-footed Noel Acciari, we got away with one … our man Brandon Carlo dragged Ryan O’Reilly down from behind. No call. O’Reilly got the puck over to Perron.

* Our guys reacted to the non-call by shutting down. They stopped playing. They were waiting for a penalty call that didn’t come. That’s weak. You have to keep playing! You can’t stop moving to wait for a whistle! I’ve failed as a coach.

* Perron got the puck on the right side and we had three guys over there. They just watched him. Three guys, mesmerized … never attempted to get in his way, put a body on him. Perron just skated closer and closer to the goal…our three guys were spectators, except for blocking one pass — which went right back to Perron. And then … our three guys didn’t move. No wonder Perron scored.

22. Hey, the Blues were up 2-0 but we still had plenty of time left in the third period. Just about 10 minutes. Plenty of time to score two goals and tie it up. But we failed.

23. Look, NHL officiating is inconsistent and confusing and there’s no rhyme or reason for many calls. Every coach in this league could go off on incompetent officiating after every game played in this league — like, forever — and it won’t change. So why am I … the coach of the big-badass Wahlberg-town Bruins sitting here and carrying on like a rabid hyena? This crap happens in every game. As Berube says — you just have to stay focused, stay above it, keep fighting, keep pushing.

24. We big-badass Bruins have lost two games in a row at the TD Garden, scoring three goals in 120 minutes. That’s our fault. Totally.

25. Finally, I’d like to thank the cheerleading squads from NBC, the NBC Sports Network, the NHL Network, ESPN … the Boston Bruins thank you for your unconditional support as we try to overcome the evil St. Louis Blues. We must join forces to take down that team from the Midwest. Ugh.

25a. Finally … what happened? Instead of me sitting here and ducking the truth, aren’t we supposed to be ordering the duck boats for the parade?

(Thanks for reading…)

–Bernie